Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
My ATM looks so different sober.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
