Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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