Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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