tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
