I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Randomize