My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
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