Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
