shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Randomize
