Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
