I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Randomize