took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
