i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
