tequila makes me forget i have legs
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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