It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Randomize