and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
