i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
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