she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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