I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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