I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
