I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
