There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
