o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
