i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
