my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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