is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
