Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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