I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
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