you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
