Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
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