This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
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