by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
