Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
