Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
