i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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