We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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