well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize