dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
where are my eyebrows?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
