Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
