update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
