I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Randomize
