remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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