when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
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