Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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