Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
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