everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
