You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
