I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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