I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
