Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
