Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
