she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Randomize