bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
