Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
