They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
