Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
