he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize