Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
