Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
