So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Just cropdusted the office
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
