fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
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