What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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