Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
