Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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