I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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